Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
