hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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