there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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