Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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