So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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