Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can you bring me the toilet please
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
