You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
