i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
