I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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