He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
