i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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