Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No stitches, just platelets and will power
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
