My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My ATM looks so different sober.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
