Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
