I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
