You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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