meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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