I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize