Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
