it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize