But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
