she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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