I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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