38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
