Welp...herpes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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