As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
