i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
