the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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