I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
