Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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