I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
