we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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