Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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