We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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