Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
