you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
