I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
