don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
