why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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