i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
