Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
is that a dick in a sweater?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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