You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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