she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
