I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
