I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
