2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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