I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
