she was so not down for the gang bang
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
