FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
