is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
