I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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