so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
