I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
last night I used snow as a chaser
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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