Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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