Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
