I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
