just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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