Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
