so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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