i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
