My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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