Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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