sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
