I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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