It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
