he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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