I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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