Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
