everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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