My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
