My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
